I assume not and if you know me I am sure you are also probably thinking "well....you do it to yourself!". I have had a struggle lately which I really only can interpret as God tugging at my heart to make a change.
But where do I start? What is it God wants now?!? (don't take that in a negative tone...wait maybe I did say it in a negative tone) Sigh.....
Long blog short is God hit me hard this last week and as usual it's when I don't expect it or see it coming. He's good about being sneaky like that! But what is He saying??? I recently worked with my students on a Mental Health lab called "hearing voices". I am starting to think maybe I have this condition :).
I feel God calling me to follow my heart, follow my passions and truly pour myself into what I love. I follow Proverbs 31 Ministries on Facebook. (If you don't you should too... http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Proverbs-31-Ministries/99550061960 ). Today this was the post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBDN8yWyNYU.
I have always been looking ahead and now that I am 30 (eeeekkkkk!) I really feel the need to chill a little and just be in the today.
I truly fear the looking back and missing out on something that I didn't want to miss with the girls as they grow up. Then my heart goes into some unspeakable rate/rhythm that is more of a panic. But the truth is
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matthew 6:25-27 NIV.)
I am realizing the older I get....and MAN it is feeling older and older, that I can not "work" to cherish these moments. I just need to LIVE them. I keep a journal for each girl of little moments in their life for them to look back on and I am WAY behind in jotting things down in it. I am going to get back to those little moments that will be important to them and calm down about organizing their bedroom closets....they will not remember that mom keep things right where they should go (and let's face it I am losing the battle of organizing anyway so win-win)!
As I was on a LOONNGGG phone meeting today for work I looked up from my keyboard and see this.... and hear "Here Mommy I picked these for you, they are beautiful and you can love them forever"!
Even though I know these weeds will die in two days on my kitchen window ledge and I will have to be sneaky about throwing them out at some point so she doesn't see that they are gone I will love them forever because of the precious little hands that picked them for me.
You see it doesn't matter to her what grade I get on that paper I stayed up late to write last night and it doesn't matter to her what size jeans I can barley squeeze into today and it doesn't matter to her what is in my bank account. What matters to her is that I love her. That's it...so to my mommy and daddy friends.... Stop being so hard on YOU. It is not our purpose and I know there is a giant finger pointed right at my face as I type this. I challenge me and if you want to come along too to a not so focused but purposeful life one day and one sticky popsicle face at a time.
Blessings--
Stephanie
